Friday, June 22, 2012

NLI Tomorrow

Yes. Tomorrow. No, more like 12 hours away! My little change in attitude has done wonders. I am so excited to compete. I feel prepared and I can't wait to compete again. I have been eating a lot of great Paleo meals this past week in order to prepare my body for tomorrow- and after tomorrow I will be posting A LOT of pictures and hopefully some recipes. Sorry I have not had the time to post more recipes, but I will do my best once this weekend is over.  I AM SO EXCITED! Hopefully I can sleep tonight!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The NLI This Weekend

Well. T minus 5 days until I am competing in my first CrossFit competition. It has been very interesting to look back and analyze my reactions. It may be the fact I just spent two years earning my Master's in clinical psychology or the fact I am unemployed and I have plenty of free time- but I have put a lot of thought into this competition and what it means for me. I have come to some very interesting and scary conclusions. But in order for them to be fully understood- let me give you a little background info on myself. I started playing soccer when I was 5 years old and I fell in love. I played my entire life- I was a soccer player. Whenever it was the beginning of the school year and you had to go around the room and say something interesting about yourself I would say- "I'm a soccer player". Even in graduate school when we did this activity I remember saying- "I played soccer in college". Playing soccer was more than an activity for me- it was my identity. Almost all of my bridesmaids in my wedding were former teammates. All my greatest memories from my childhood revolve around soccer. I literally lived and breathed soccer my entire life- and then it stopped. I decided not to play my senior season of college. I had already played spring ball that year, I wasn't getting along with the coach and I decided I needed to get into graduate school- which meant my grades needed to be A LOT better. It was a very hard semester for me. All my friends were still on the team. I didn't go to the banquet. I didn't get my senior frame with my picture in it. Even though I had put all the blood, sweat and tears into that team for 3 1/2 years I was left out- by choice. It sucked. I regretted the decision almost every day. BUT I got into graduate school at my first choice and that made that miserable semester worth it. So fast forward past that summer (when I married the love of my life) and it brings me to where I am sitting right now. In Pasadena, California, on my couch, in my pajamas. This is where I found myself 2 years ago. Matt and I made the move so I could go to grad school. It was the first time in my life that I was in school and not a part of a team. It was very hard for me. I was not a part of a CrossFit for that first year. I went to the gym, ran around the block and tried the Insanity DVD as workouts. I found myself struggling a lot with my purpose. I knew I wanted to be a therapist. I knew I was talented in this area- and I loved school. But still, something was missing. It took me a long time to figure it out- but after some reflection and a group therapy class- it all came out. I do not know how to function without a sport. My self esteem has always been derived from being athletic- from winning games- from performing well physically. Sure, I am good at other things. But with me- someone saying "Wow Aubs, great job getting that A on your paper" doesn't sound half as good as, "Nice game Aubrey! You kicked ass!" Why is this the case? I am still figuring that out- but I know this is true for me. So a year ago I found myself sad, with low self-esteem, and enough wound up competitiveness that could be seen when I would secretly race people on other Treadmills at 24 hour. Then I started to CrossFit again. It lit that fire back in me that I was missing. I finally found my place again in this world. Something I could be good at. So what does all of this have to do with NLI? This past week- I have been an annoying negative person. People at the box say, "Aubs- heard you are competing!" And my answer is one of 3 things: "Ya..I am nervous" "Ya...I am really scared about it!" Or "Ya..but I haven't had a lot of time to prepare so who knows how I will do" Finally- after being anxious and scared shitless all week I asked myself- "What the hell is wrong with me?" Well think about it. For someone who stakes all of their self worth in their ability to perform and compete- there is a lot of subconscious pressure I have been putting on myself. If I suck this weekend that means I suck at life. Crazy, I know. If my new identity I have taken on is "Aubrey a CrossFitter" and I come in last place- then that means I have failed and I am no good. No wonder I have been scared out of my mind! Can you imagine the struggle this has caused without me even realizing what I was doing? Thank god I have figured this out before the weekend- because this is something I need to be aware of in order to change this. So how do I change this? Well I can start by reminding myself there is a lot more to me than soccer or CrossFit. I am a good wife. I am a loyal friend. I am a good therapist. I have more than one egg in my basket. Even if I come in last place that doesn't make me a worthless person. I have decided that this week I am taking 4 words out of my vocabulary- 1. Anxious, 2. Scared 3. Not Ready (i know its 2 words) and 4. Nervous. I am exchanging those with 1. Excited, 2. Pumped, 3. Ready and 4. Prepared. So everytime I say one of the words on the negative list I give my friends and family permission to slap me and make me change it with one of the good words. I am my own worst critic, and my own worst enemy. I need to get out of my head. I am happy I understand these things about myself because I really need to work through them- no more basing ALL of my self-esteem and self-worth on athletic ability. I have to go to my noon class and hopefully today I have turned a new page and remember I do CrossFit because I love it and because I have a blast. 

'

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Catch up time!

Sorry it has been a while since my last post! It has been a crazy week. I really have a lot to write about- but let's start a recap with some food! We have had some pretty delicious post WOD meals this week. Matt & I have still been doing two-a-days a few days a week at the box. Here are some random meals we have had- burgers, chicken, veggies and DELICIOUS coconut water from Whole Foods.
One day Matt had made an AWESOME brunch. Eggs, spinach, bacon, avocados and blueberries. This a before and after view of the brunch. 
A couple days ago we had some T Bone steak (grass fed, of course) for dinner. This dinner was ridiculously easy to make and ridiculously tasty. Here is what you need for Easy T-Bone Steak & Herb Butter. 


What you need: 
2 T bone steaks
Butter (preferably, grass fed cow butter)
Salt & Pepper
Coconut Oil
Garlic
Parmesan (optional)
Dry Herbs (rosemary, thyme...anything you like)

Start by de-thawing the steak & putting some salt & pepper on each side. Let the steak sit out until it gets close to room temperature. (I used a tad bit of olive oil to rub down the steak with salt & pepper).
Use 1 tablespoon of coconut oil and cook the first steak 4 minutes on each side (if you like your steak medium). I like my steak medium-well so I cleaned the pan and re did the process but cooked it for 5-6 minutes on each side. I threw some fresh garlic on top when there was about 1 minute left until the steak was cooked (any earlier and the garlic might burn). While the steak was finishing up I started the butter. I use Kerry Gold butter which is grass fed. I used about 2-3 tablespoons of butter. I put the butter in a bowl, added all the leftover garlic (3 cloves-ish), some dried rosemary, a little garlic salt and some thyme. I melted it all together in the microwave and then poured it on the cooked steaks.
While this was all cooking I cooked some microwave brussel sprouts and added a little salt & pepper to them with a tad more butter. Then once the steaks were finished I added some fresh parmesan to these suckers and then we ATE.
A couple of nights ago we went over to our friend Natalie & Bogg's apartment and Nat made some AWESOME Paleo pork/turkey meatballs, cauliflower fried rice (with egg & cabbage), and spicy coconut sauce. Let me tell you- this was one of the best meals I have had. No joke.
And if this wasn't enough good food for the night Nat made some Paleo Strawberry Shortcake with grass fed whip cream. This is my favorite Paleo dessert and I will add the recipe as soon as I attempt to make this on my own.

Yesterday was Matt's birthday!! And we had a great day at the beach with our CrossFit for a beach WOD. And then we ate at a BBQ place- and let's say we tried to eat Paleo but there were a couple things that snuck in our meal that was very non-paleo (like cornbread, and tortilla chips...oh and beer, woops).
After dinner- we went to a pool hall in Pasadena and had a great time with some great friends. For his birthday I got Matt the Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf, some Stronger Faster Healthier fish oil and some cigars (I know, I know... crazy healthy things and then cigars, but hey we're not perfect!) 
Overall, it has been a great week and weekend. But there is one little thing I have left out...my CrossFit trainer/friend caught wind of a recent opening in the upcoming NLI CrossFit competition- and she signed me up! I got a call at midnight a couple days ago with the news- and I have been excited, scared, happy and anxious ever since. It will be my first CrossFit competition EVER and let me tell you I have been going through a whole lot of emotions. I have always been the type of athlete that gets in my own head too much. I have always been very competitive- almost to a fault- and I have always LOVED competing. But I have always been on a team when I compete and I have been having trouble wrapping my head around the fact I will be competing as an individual. The other thing that has been getting me nervous is the fact that the competition is THIS SATURDAY. As in..5 days. As in I have to be able to do 30 Toes to Bar by Saturday and I can barely string together 2 in a row. So forgive me but I have a feeling the next 5 days of my blog may be leaned a little more to CrossFit and a little less to Paleo- although eating pure Paleo this week and hydrating will be very important for my performance this Saturday.
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